Mom life

Be kind and be gentle this mother’s day.

Be kind and be gentle this mother’s day. Think before you speak of tricky topic of children.

A lot of moments in my life have been, “Ah, now I get it.” moments.

I think some people are perceptive to others’ challenges, but unless I’m caught up in the mix of it, I don’t always completely understand.

I don’t think I’ll write a post like this every Mother’s Day, but when Mother’s Day 2017 was one of the hardest days of my life, I just want to send out a gentle reminder. While this day is a wonderful celebratory day for the mothers in our lives, some women are hurting.

I miscarried.

I had a child due in April of 2017, but I miscarried in the fall of 2016. A few weeks before the day, I spotted Mother’s Day approaching on the calendar. Heat rushed to my face and my stomach was in knots. Should I play sick that day? Should I stick it out?

In hindsight I should have played sick instead of bringing my Eeyore attitude (imaginary raincloud included) out for the day. I had every right to be Eeyore, but I didn’t need to bring that energy around the rest of my family who was happily celebrating. My sister-in-law brought out good champagne and I may or may not have over-indulged.

I selfishly didn’t wish anyone ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ that day because I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I was supposed to be a mom. This day was a terrible reminder of what I had lost and what would never be. I would never meet that wonderful child I had with me for 10 weeks.

My mom can always save my plants

I gave my mom a plant to revive because anytime I was killing a plant, she could fix it. So, I gave her the plant that my husband bought me when I miscarried. On the day I got the bad news from the doctor, he came home with the plant and wine. I was uninterested in the wine, still being physically pregnant, even though the baby was no longer alive.

The plant with the greatest sentimental meaning was not dying. I would not allow it. Freakishly enough, it hadn’t bloomed before, but right before Mother’s Day a little flower bud popped up. My mom convinced me it was my baby saying hello. Writing this part just brought tears to my eyes, but I’m writing at the gym, so I have to stifle my feelings from the strangers. “Why is that girl crying into her laptop?” he pondered as he sipped his over-priced acai smoothie.

It can be a sensitive topic

Looping back to my point, be kind and be gentle to the women in your life on Mother’s Day. The subject of children is an extremely sensitive topic that I didn’t realize until I had my own struggle. Now, I know not to ask. I’ll let people tell me what they choose to share.

In the summer following Mother’s Day, I specifically remember getting five comments in one day along the lines of “aren’t you glad you don’t have kids” while my excited nieces and nephews ran around. I wanted to reach out and shake every person that said it. Of course, I stayed pleasant, but in my head I was screaming.

With time, my perspective has changed because I know that if I had not miscarried, I would not have my perfect little girl that I have now. In a way, I am thankful.

Not everyone has a happy ending like me and there are many other struggles when it comes to fertility and child bearing. I am beyond blessed that it worked out for me and I just ask that you take the subject of children with care, and be kind and gentle to all the women on Mother’s Day.

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